The opening gavel has hardly gone down but the 84th Texas Legislature is already on its way to full-on ass-clown mode.
Where to start? How about when newly elected Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller’s first official act was to assure Texas moms that their right to bear cupcakes would not be infringed.
Miller was reassuring Texas parents that it’s legal to bring cupcakes and other treats to school — and that he’ll protect that right. To emphasize his point, he bit into a frosted cupcake.
Referring to a 2004 nutritional policy that restricted the snacks parents could bring and hand out to students at public schools, Miller said, “We haven’t reduced childhood obesity even with us putting in these rules. It hasn’t helped, so we’re going to roll those back and let those decisions be made at the local level.”
Miller is the guy who, as a state rep in 2003 and 2007, introduced bills promoting the slaughter and export of horsemeat for human consumption. Maybe we’re lucky he only bit into a cupcake this week.
With a little hard work, Miller might make it to the U.S. House of Representatives, where poor taste is a mark of honor.
This was demonstrated Sunday, when conservative hardliner Texas Rep. Randy Weber used the recent terrorist attack in Paris as a opportunity to mention Barack Obama and Adolf Hitler in the same sentence.
Weber tweeted, “Even Adolph Hitler thought it more important than Obama to get to Paris. (For all the wrong reasons.) Obama couldn’t do it for right reasons,” the tweet read.
The bon mot was Weber’s reaction when neither Obama nor any member of his cabinet appeared at the “Je suis Charlie” rally in Paris over the weekend.
Of course, if O or anyone else in his administration had gone, Weber and his fellow mouth-breathers would have whined about wasting money that could have been used for tax breaks for the ultra-rich.
This Hitler comparison was an abrupt about-face for Weber, who last year famously called the First Brother a “Socialist dictator” shortly before his State of the Union address. I predict a Cthulhu comparison before he retires.
Try as Texas might, we still don’t have the corner on crazy. We may have to cede that honor to Louisiana. Evidence? Earlier this week, the Louisiana House of Representatives voted to uphold an anti-sodomy law that bans oral sex in the state.
That anti-sodomy law was overturned and declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court in 2003. But while the law cannot be enforced and sodomy can’t be used as a cause for arrest, the House refuses to remove it from the books.
Louisiana Family Forum, one of the state’s most powerful conservative Christian lobbying groups, claimed that without the sodomy law, young people will be exposed to sexual predators.
And while the state solons have protected the youth of Louisiana from random unwanted blowjobs, Louisiana has no law against necrophilia. So, when Granny shuffles off this mortal coil, she’s fair game, I guess.
I want to start Sodomy Tours to New Orleans. Go to NoLa, violate the Louisiana law, then wear T-shirts announcing the fact. See if anyone gets arrested. (Probably not in that city. This might require rest stops in Morgan City or Baton Rouge.
To crib an old gag The (Insert conservative state name here) Legislature is like when they drive one of those tiny circus cars into the center ring…how do they get that many clowns in there!?!