Forget Boss Day – call me when it’s Employee Day 2

If you’re like me, you’re pretty excited, and probably gearing up for National Boss Day Oct 16. Even though I pretty much stopped listening to him after “Born In the USA,” I still think it’s pretty awesome that Bruce gets his own freakin’ day.

Of course, I kid. National Boss Day is not about Bruce Springsteen at all (unless you’re Steven Van Zandt). It’s a day when we smile, suck up to our boss, and pretend we’re not praying he’ll get hit by a bus. In other words, it’s just like any other weekday, only we have to buy a card.

Of all the bogus holidays, Boss Day has to be one of the worst. Mother’s Day is the best – who doesn’t love their mother (Francis Bean Cobain gets a pass here, and for good reason). Same for Father’s Day and Oedipus.

But Boss Day? Come on – isn’t that a bit like having God Day? Isn’t being a boss good enough? Do you really need your minions sucking up to you to make you feel good about yourself? I guess that one answered itself, huh?

Seriously – Boss Day is a scam. It’s not enough that your boss controls 40 hours of your life a week; now you have to take him to lunch to thank him for not sucking any more than he already does.

Actually, your boss controls more than just 40 hours of your week; that 40 just covers the hours your ass is actually in your chair; how about all the other non-office hours that are effectively controlled by your boss?

Since you have to be more or less coherent at work (unless you’re a Congressman, I mean) you have to get a reasonable amount of sleep. And since most parties don’t really start to rock until very late, your boss is effectively setting your curfew.

Also, think of the time you spend going to the dry cleaner – that’s a chore you wouldn’t do every week if not for your boss. (Full disclosure: this really does not apply to me. I just have to find a clean pair of jeans and decide which t-shirt I want to wear. Grateful Dead? Ramones? Or maybe basic black?)

Also, since many employers frown on you being drunk on the clock, your boss pretty much controls your breakfast and your commute.

Ever wonder where this crap holiday comes from? Well, it began in 1958 with a secretary named Patricia Haroski. It took some time to catch on – Hallmark didn’t start offering a Boss Day card until 1979. I bet if they had offered a Boss Day letter bomb instead of a card back in ‘58, those bad boys would have sold like hotcakes.

But maybe I complain too much. It’s pretty harsh to bad-mouth a boss who comes around several times a day to check on your well-being. Or who frequently offers to take you to dinner and a movie. And then, if it gets too late to drive home safely, who offers to let you sleep over at his place. While this has never actually happened to me, it happens to my sister almost weekly.

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