Last week, Texas was slammed with seriously cold (for us, anyway) weather. Some people chalk this up to changes in the jet stream; others say it’s due to a disruption of El Niño or La Niña or perhaps Columbus’s other ship. I’ve even seen it attributed to a polar vortex (whatever that is – sounds like a Mannheim Steamroller album to me).

I’m here to tell you it’s none of these things. It’s cold here because hell has frozen over. More…