Relax, put your feet up, fire someone – it’s Bosses Day! 5

Have you ever really paid attention to how many holidays we celebrate in this country? We celebrate a ton of them. To begin with, you got your Big Three – Thanksgiving, New Year’s Day and Christmas (and I don’t care if you’re Jewish, Muslim, Zoroastrian, whatever; if you take the day off, that totally counts).

After those you got your lesser holidays, like 4th of July, Memorial Day and Labor Day. These are cool because you get the day off, the weather’s still nice and you don’t have to drive out of state. Big bonus points: you also don’t have to rack your brain trying to think of a present for your jerk-face brother-in-law (that cheap bastard).

Lots of holidays I understand and totally agree with – like those holidays that celebrate truly important people or characters or events. Mother’s Day? No problem — everybody loves their mother, right? (Very funny, Oedipus; now sit down and shut up). Nurses Day? A day in their honor is small recompense for a life of changing bed pans and giving sponge baths. Teachers’ Day? In my book, you can’t do enough for teachers; giving them a “day” is nothing. Most of them need a raise and a sidearm.

There are a few others but that’s pretty much the holiday “A” list. After them, you start getting into some innocuous but frankly pretty questionable holidays, like Groundhog Day and Valentine’s Day. Past that, you kind of trail off into stuff that’s just … well … bogus.

I bring this up because last Friday was Bosses Day. Of all the bogus “holidays” we mark in this country, this has got to be just about the most bogus one ever.

First of all, Bosses Day? I don’t know about where you work, but everywhere I’ve ever worked every day is bosses day. A boss is someone who gets to tell you what to do and when to do it. A boss is someone who can fire you on a whim. A boss is someone you didn’t vote for, but has way too much influence over 40 hours of every week of your life (or more than that, if you count the psychotherapy and the heavy drinking).

And these people need their own day set aside for us working stiffs to honor them? To my mind, that’s kinda like having King Day; I mean, how much better can it get?

Maybe you’ve heard the axiom that your job is only as good as your boss. I’ve had a lot of jobs and I speak from experience when I say that, unless your boss is Tommy Chong, this is not the case. Or maybe you’ve seen those bumper stickers that say, “My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter” If that makes you happy, great; but in my book, working for some dude whose dad founded the business is no day at the beach, either.

And did you ever wonder exactly who came up with Bosses Day? I bet you a dollar it was someone at Hallmark Cards. And I bet you two dollars it was a boss.