Science is amazing; it’s done things for us that people living 500 years ago couldn’t even imagine. It’s put a man on the moon. It’s cured diseases that once decimated entire continents. It’s even given us blankets with sleeves.
One thing science can’t do, though, is find a man who has never watched porn.
Ever wonder what your dog does all day while you’re not around? Is he sitting on his doggy butt, licking himself where his balls used to be? If so, is he getting pudgy? And if he were to outlive you, do you worry about who’s going to take care of him?
If you ask yourself these questions, congratulations – you obviously don’t have any real worries. And kudos a second time – as minor as they are, they’re still problems but the good news is, they’re fixable.
I think most of us have done things that we’re not proud of. It might be something minor, like reading a book before giving it to someone for Christmas. Or it could be even more heinous, like taking a girl to see Steely Dan just because we wanted to get in her pants (just to, you know, make up a couple of completely hypothetical examples).
Few of us have a secret like district attorney Mark Suben, though. More…
Back in the day, you’d go to a party, someone would take out a plastic bag, you’d take a big sniff of what was inside, and then let the next person have a go.
Similar parties are still being held today. But while the party animals of the ‘80s were hoovering the fruit of the Andes, today’s sniffers are hitting the Fruit of the Looms. More…
Celebrity endorsements have been around for a long time. Ever since Satan convinced Eve she needed more fresh fruit in her diet, big names have been used to sway people.
Sometimes celebrity endorsements make sense and sometimes they don’t. More…
Earlier this summer, I attended my 40th high school class reunion. I usually don’t go for nostalgia but I saw this is as perhaps my last chance to see some of my old friends, to reminisce about days long gone, and maybe get my $10 back from that bastard who sold me a bag of oregano my sophomore year.
Jeff Carmack 