Some parents tell their kids, “This is America – you can be anything you want to be.” Theoretically, this is true. “You can be president!” Yes, unless you’re a Jewish Democratic Socialist. “You can be a professional football player!” Of course you can, if you’re a genetic freak with a taste for steroids. “You can be a mermaid!” More…
Category Archives: Portfolio
An old fart looks at fashion (or, you’re not really going out like that, are you?) 2
From time to time (and by “time to time” I mean “every time I leave my freakin’ house”) I am amazed by some young person’s appearance.
If happiness is a warm gun, plenty of Texans are ecstatic today 7
Happy 2016, everyone! The new year is upon us, bringing with it the promise of new things, the hope for a brighter tomorrow and, if you live in Texas, a better chance of getting your ass shot.
ATX Craftsman Wants You to Get Into His Paleo Jeans 1
Need a pair of gluten-free jeans? Austinite Richard Cole has your ass covered. Literally.
Is That a Gun in Your Vagina, or Are You Just Glad to See Me? 6
John Lennon wrote, “Happiness is a warm gun,” but I’m pretty sure this is not what he meant. And thanks to a woman in Waco, I will now never hear the term “pistol-packin’ mama” without wincing.
Tornado, divorce or taxpayer bitching—one way or another, an Okie’s gonna lose that trailer 5
In Oklahoma, if you want your trailer moved all you have to do is wait for spring and a tornado will do it for you (alternatively, you can wait for a divorce, and your ex and her new biker/meth cook boyfriend Skeeter will move it—usually while you’re at work). More…