Some parents tell their kids, “This is America – you can be anything you want to be.” Theoretically, this is true. “You can be president!” Yes, unless you’re a Jewish Democratic Socialist. “You can be a professional football player!” Of course you can, if you’re a genetic freak with a taste for steroids. “You can be a mermaid!” More…
Category Archives: And I Suppose You Think That’s Funny?
Need to burn $180 million? Here’s a hare-brained idea 2
Amongst all the hand-wringing and pearl-clutching at the very mention of legalized weed, a frequent plaint seems to be, “But what about the children?” Something you don’t hear is, “But what about the rabbits?” More…
An old fart looks at fashion (or, you’re not really going out like that, are you?) 2
From time to time (and by “time to time” I mean “every time I leave my freakin’ house”) I am amazed by some young person’s appearance.
ATX Craftsman Wants You to Get Into His Paleo Jeans 1
Need a pair of gluten-free jeans? Austinite Richard Cole has your ass covered. Literally.
Is That a Gun in Your Vagina, or Are You Just Glad to See Me? 6
John Lennon wrote, “Happiness is a warm gun,” but I’m pretty sure this is not what he meant. And thanks to a woman in Waco, I will now never hear the term “pistol-packin’ mama” without wincing.
Tornado, divorce or taxpayer bitching—one way or another, an Okie’s gonna lose that trailer 5
In Oklahoma, if you want your trailer moved all you have to do is wait for spring and a tornado will do it for you (alternatively, you can wait for a divorce, and your ex and her new biker/meth cook boyfriend Skeeter will move it—usually while you’re at work). More…