What’s scarier than ‘day-old sushi?’ 1

What’s the scariest three-word phrase you’ve ever heard? “Ted Nugent interview” would rate high in my book. “Day-old sushi” is up there, too. And under the right (or wrong) circumstances, “Honey, I’m home” could trigger cardiac arrest.

But I just read the most frightening three words I have ever seen.

“Men’s naked yoga.”

Seriously. Men’s naked yoga. And that means just what it seems to mean: A bunch of dudes, twisting, bending and stretching. Naked.

If you’ve ever done yoga, you know how hard it is. Now imagine doing it with your eyes clenched.

I’ve been practicing for years and I have never wanted to do yoga naked. And nothing against nudity; lots of things are best done naked. Showering, for example. Also, skinny-dipping is a lot of fun. But yoga? Whether it’s men’s yoga or a co-ed class, naked seems kind of … well  … gross.

The poet Kahlil Gibran said, “Your clothes conceal much of your beauty and hide not the unbeautiful.” Clearly, he had not spent much time in locker rooms –- or doing naked yoga. Speaking for myself, my clothes hide plenty that’s unbeautiful. Maybe he just needs to buy a size or two larger.

He continues: “Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet, and the winds long to play with your hair.” You will note that he did not say anything about either the earth or the wind wanting a close-up view of your junk.

On the other hand, doing yoga while surrounded by a bunch of naked guys with their asses in the air would do wonders for your concentration; no way you’re going to raise your head and start looking around. And if you do, you’ll soon realize why proctologists make so much money — they earn it.

If you’re a guy and you’re into guys, naked yoga would be a great place to meet men – men who are spiritual, fit and, most importantly, limber. Plus, you’re both already naked, so it’s easy to check out other qualifications.

The business side of running a naked yoga studio could be interesting. The dress code would be pretty simple: “Don’t.” And how about this answer on the membership application? “Eye color: Two blue, one brown.”

Some naked yoga classes include a mix of styles, including the increasingly popular “flow” style. I don’t know about you, but “naked men” and “flow” are not two words I want used to describe any yoga class I’m taking – especially if I’m using a borrowed mat.

I wonder if anyone has come up with new names for naked postures. The Jay Bird pose comes to mind (in Sanskrit, it would of course be Bare-assana).

Eating before class – naked or not – is always a question. Some say no food for two hours prior to class, while others say something light, like a protein shake or a snack bar, is cool. Again, naked or not, you probably want to skip the lamb vindaloo – unless you want to be remembered as the guy who invented the Squid Pose.

This post originally appeared on Manpacks Photo courtesy Manpacks

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