Easy tips help you ‘eat smart’ during the holidays 2

The holiday party season is in full swing, and that means lots of opportunities to really blow all the hard work you’ve put into your diet during the previous 11 months. But if you will follow these tips, you can have fun and still avoid those extra calories.

Drink plenty of water. If you’re going to a party or out to eat, drink a quart of salt water 30 minutes before you leave the house. The water will fill you up, and the sodium content will make you too nauseated to eat. Plus, running to the bathroom every 5 minutes will help burn off some of those unwanted calories.

Portion control. When filling your plate at a party, take it easy on the portions. Here’s a tip: if you tear a rotator cuff while carrying your plate, or your host asks you if you’re collecting food for a homeless shelter, you’ve probably taken too much.

Smoking. Say what you will about the other health issues, but smoking is a great way to get a handle on your appetite. If you’re already a smoker, you know that a well-timed cigarette can really take the edge off your hunger. This will help you say “no” to that second dessert long enough to grab another drink. And honestly, which would you rather have – a second slice of freezer-burned pumpkin pie or another Jager shot? If you’re not a smoker, a cigarette will likely make you so sick that you won’t want to eat. Either way, you’ve avoided several hundred extra calories. Bravo!

If you’re serious about watching your weight this season, don’t constrain your smoking to just cigarettes, either. Crystal meth is a sure-fire appetite suppressant. Additionally, repeated applications make it even easier to say “no” to that tempting toffee. Of course, that’s largely because the “crank” has made your teeth fall out – but, still, it’s hard to argue with success.

A word to the wise: while cigarettes and methamphetamine are sure-fire diet helpers, marijuana is not! In addition to the very real danger of making you think that Jim Carrey’s version of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” is actually funny, smoking “pot” can also make you eat an entire pecan pie and a family size tub of Cool Whip in one sitting. So leave those visions of sugarplums to the kiddies and stay away from the wacky tobacky.

Alcohol: Sure, alcohol itself contains so-called “empty” calories and should otherwise be avoided by those watching their weight, but during this festive season it’s a great substitute for fattening holiday goodies. Drink enough eggnog and eating will be the last thing on your mind. And if you do have a “slip” and accidentally eat solid food, the alcohol will help it come back up quicker than Santa goes up a chimney!

If you stick to these tips, you can avoid packing on extra holiday pounds. Remember – Santa may be a jolly fat man, but he’s also fictional.

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2 comments

  1. “Santa may be a jolly fat man, but he’s also fictional.”
    HE’S REAL, MAN!!!! I PERSONALLY KNOW HIM! I’VE GOT PROOF……A PICTURE OF HIM AND MY DAUGHTER!!! HE’S REEEEAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

  2. VERY useful information, Jeff. I’ll follow this advice throughout the holiday season. However, I do think you should acknowledge Martha Stewart for part of the “Smoking” section. It can’t be a coincidence that this column appears right after Martha’s show where she cooked up a batch of wassail-scented crystal meth.

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