“Hide your glasses, Sunshine – the Viagra’s kickin’ in!” 3

I read a news story the other day that claimed that the same generation that had ushered in the sexual revolution is about to have its way with senior sex.

As they said in that movie: “Be afraid – be very afraid.”

The story was about a program on aging and sexuality in sunny Orlando, Florida. Great – like the mental image of old, naked and sweaty wasn’t bad enough, now you can add to that list the adjective “sun-damaged.” You know, leather may be sexy in some situations, but not when it’s hanging in folds from your paramour’s bones.

The doctor who led the program said, “Attitudes about sex among seniors are changing as the baby boom generation comes along. They want more information about staying sexually active as they get older.” Here’s some information, fellow boomers: keep your eyes closed. And speaking of mental images, here’s a couple of helpful words for you guys: Salma Hayek.

One couple attending the program had been married for 48 years; they said they came to learn new ways to add spark to their relationship. The guy was quoted as saying, “She knows all my tricks by now.” If that’s the case, then she’s probably hip to that Salma Hayek thing, too.

In the song, “My Generation,” Pete Townsend famously wrote, “Hope I die before I get old.” Had he been even half as clever as he thought he was, he would have said, “Hope I die before I have to get naked with an old person.” (Pete, here’s an idea: maybe you could rework the chorus lyrics to say, “Talkin’ ’bout old genitalia.” Just a thought.)

For reasons I probably don’t need to enumerate, most people don’t think of older folks (especially when we’re trying to eat) as sexually active. But research shows that sexual activity occurs in about 73 percent of those aged 57-64, 53 percent of those 65-74, and 26 percent of those 75 and older. The research did not specify if those figures reflect sex with partners; if you toss in that parameter, I bet the numbers go down. Way down.

The article said that Boomers are less likely to accept and internalize society’s view of asexual seniors. The organizer said,  “One of the problems is that there are few role models of elderly sexuality. There aren’t a lot of media portrayals of sexually active seniors.”

To that, one can say only, thank heaven for small graces. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to see portrayals of sexually active seniors. “Sexually active” usually implies nudity (as I recall) and that’s a sight I can live without — glasses or no glasses.

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3 comments

  1. Not that I have tried this myself mind you but I have uh…heard that you can go to these internet things called “porn sites” and search for videos under the category of “mature” And again I have heard they are not nearly as gross as you might think. But before you get your hopes up that maybe your baby boomer body might look better than you thought, these sites idea of “mature” goes up to a maximum of around 35 years old. I guess even porn sites have their standards. Darn it!

  2. Let me see if I’ve got this right.

    PROBLEM: Thanks to the miracle of modern pharmacology, Boomer guys have the same carnal appetites as when were as horndog 17-year-olds. Also, tragically, the same fixation on young ‘n’ supple female flesh.

    SOLUTION: There’s…uh, not one for most of us, given the grave shortage of 20-year-old bombshells with incurable Electra complexes and the low odds of acquiring Jagger-like wealth (and all its fleshly perks) at this stage of life.

    MY RESPONSE: Thankyoujayzuz gratitude that I’ve always been into the MILF thing — even before it had a name. (Memories of Miss Bramlett’s tight, cleavage-bomb silk blouses have effectively erased all memories of 8th grade English from my mind.)

  3. This one is my favorite, Jeff. Mostly because I can relate to it so well. I’m fighting my age like there’s no tomorrow. “Laughter is the best medicine.” Wasn’t that from Readers Digest or something?

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