I don’t know about you, but Japan fascinates me – the people, the culture, the giant irradiated lizards. I don’t travel much (the most exotic place I’ve ever been is a jail cell in Nuevo Laredo) but whenever I see anything about Japan, I want to say, “Sayonara, USA” and catch the next JAL flight east.

Of course, Japanese culture is a lot different from ours and it’s easy for Western visitors to commit a faux pas (that’s French for “step in it”) while there. I just read a traveler’s guide to Japan – a short list of some of the bigger “do’s and don’ts” that visitors should observe – and it’s pretty interesting. In reading the guide, it’s hard not to compare Japanese culture with our own.

The first thing on the list was showing respect and addressing others. In Japan, you show respect by bowing. A friend might get a short, quick bow, while your boss might get a slow, 70-degree inclination of the upper half of the body. In Texas, if someone bends that far forward, it usually means he’s about to blow a No. 2 combo plate and a pitcher of Shiner and all over your Tony Lamas.

Addressing people in a respectful manner is also a huge deal. The first time you meet a Japanese man, you might want to address him as “Mr. Yamamoto.” This would be a gaffe, as you should address him as “Mr. Yamamoto-san.” Actually, this is not too different from our own country; you might want to address someone as “You lying, gutless moron,” but manners dictate that you stick to the more formal, “Mr. President.”

Japanese table manners are different too – mainly because they have them and we don’t – and some of them are pretty interesting. For instance, if you’re at a dinner party and the waiter sets a drink in front of you, you’re supposed to wait before raising the glass to your lips. Once everyone is served, someone will take the lead, make a speech, raise his drink, and yell “kampai!” (Japanese for “party on!”). A word to the wise: licking salt from your hand and biting a lemon slice play no role in this tradition – and don’t even think about body shots.

When dining in Japanese restaurants, you may receive a small wet cloth to wash your hands with before eating. After you’ve used it, fold it and set it aside. Do not use it as a napkin, and definitely do not use it to demonstrate your impression of “Lawrence of Arabia.” And lest you be tempted to towel-snap your departing waiter, remember that this is the country that invented both karate and the samurai sword.

Here’s my personal favorite – slurping noodles or making loud noises while eating is not just OK, it’s actually polite; it demonstrates that you’re enjoying your food. If making noise while you eat is polite, then I’d be a regular Miss Manners in Japan.